知っておきたい通夜・葬式の参列マナー:お布施の正しい包み方と渡し方

日本式のお葬式では、住職さんを呼んでお経を上げてもらうというのは、供養には欠かせない一つの儀式となっています。

その際に、御礼として渡すお布施ですが、初めての方にはわからないことも多いものですので、そのマナーなどについて見ていきましょう。

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まず、一番気になるお布施の額は

お通夜や葬儀で、来て頂いた住職さんにはお布施を渡すのが当然のこととなっていますが、その金額については謎のベールに包まれていることが殆どです。

インターネットや書籍でも、相場情報は公開されていますが、最高額と最低額で開きがあるものですし、地域によって、住職さんによっても内容が変わってくる可能性はあります。

こういった時、思い切って自分で極めた額を包んでも良いですが、マナーと言うか、失敗しない方法は住職さんに尋ねてしまうのが確実です。

ただ、普通に「お幾らですか」と訪ねると、なんとも無遠慮な感じに見られますので、「通常、皆さんは、どの位包まれますか?」というニュアンスで訪ねると、住職さんの方も返答もしやすいですし、明確に金額を教えてもらいやすくなるようです。

これで聞いておいたお布施の額には、風習にもよるかもしれませんが、お車代、御膳料が含まれていることもあれば、別に包む必要がある場合もあるようです。

参考までですが、一般的には35万円から45万円ほどが多いとされています。 葬式会社の仲介で紹介してもらった場合には、会社の方に尋ねることも可能です。

法要をまとまとめた場合の額について

近年は仕事に家事に忙しいという方も多くなり、また、遠方に引っ越しているという方も多いために、お通夜と葬式だけでも、参列するのが難しいという方も少なくは有りません。

喪主や遺族側としても、度々会社を休んでもらったり、遠距離から訪ねてもらうのは気が引けるという場合も多いでしょう。

こういった事から、葬式の後には初七日についても、一緒に済ませてしまうということも多くなっています。

通常、初七日は亡くなられてから、最初の七日目に行う法要となっていますが、葬式があって、初七日があって、次には35日、或いは49日の仕上げの日があります。

近年では、これだけの機会を準備するのは大変なものと言えるでしょう。 初七日と葬儀を同時に行うことは、特に供養の上で問題になることはなく、繰り上げ法要と呼ばれ、一般的なものとなっています。

この場合、初七日の法要のお勤めに対しても、どのようにすればいいか、お悩みかもしれませんが、この場合も葬儀、お通夜のお布施とともにまとめられているケースもあれば、そうでないこともあり、確認を取るのがベストでしょう。

御膳料や戒名にかかる費用など

葬儀やお通夜の際のお布施には、読経の為のお布施に加えて、お車代や戒名に関する費用、食事に関する御膳料が必要になってくる場合があります。

葬式会社が仲介しているものでは、こういった細々したものがひとまとめにお布施として請求されることもありますが、これらが別個、分かれて必要になるケースもしばしばあるようです。

そういった場合、どういった時にお車代や御膳料を包む必要があるのか、見てみましょう。

まず、お車代については、住職さんが車に乗ってこなかったとしても、渡すのがマナーです。

御膳料は、住職さんの食事に関するものとなっており、これは、会食に参加してくれた場合には、包む必要はないとされるのが一般的です。そのまま退場される場合には、御膳料も包んでおくのが通常ではマナーとされます。

戒名に関わる費用は、これは、包む額は任意となっていて、多く費用を支払ったほうが、位の高い戒名を付けてもらえるという風になっています。

この辺りは、地域ごとや葬式会社のスタイルによっても変わってくるのですが、一律で込みになっている場合もあれば、そうでないこともあると覚えておくと良いでしょう。

タイミングや渡し方について

最後に、お通夜、葬儀の際にどのタイミングで、どうやって渡せばマナーに適しているのか見てみましょう。

まず、タイミングとしては、葬儀が始まる前に挨拶とともに渡すというのが、殆どになると思います。 渡す際には、お盆に乗せておくのがベストとなっているので、出来れば用意しておくと良いでしょう。

葬儀場に備え付けてあったりするかもしれませんので、先に確認しておくのも大切です。丸ではなく、四角いお盆が一般的です。お盆がなければ、袱紗で代用すると良いでしょう。

これは、香典を渡す時もそうですが、直接ではなく、袱紗からお布施を取り出して、渡すのがセオリーです。

また、葬儀と言えば黒とかグレーとか、そういった色が選ばれるのが普通となっているのですが、このお布施の水引の色は、場合によっては黄色も利用されます。

関東では白黒、関西では黄色と白が使われることもあり、地域性が有るようです。どちらにするか悩ましい時などは、水引自体を付けないのも悪いものではありません。

この際には、水引がない方が好ましいとする意見も少なくありませんので、特に慣習などがなれければ、水引なしも良いでしょう。

最後に

とにかく葬儀やお通夜には、地域や宗派、葬儀会社の考え方などによって違いが多くなっています。

一般的にはセオリーとされるマナーも参考にしつつ、地元に風習や慣習があるならば、そちらの方を優先したほうが良いでしょう。

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