知っておきたい通夜・葬式の参列マナー:通夜と告別式のどちらに参列する?

本来であれば、お通夜は、故人の親族や、遺族、生前に仲良くしていた友人など、かなり親しくしていた方達が招かれ、遺体に一晩中付き添い、故人との最期のお別れをして参列者を慰めるための儀式になります。

そして、告別式の方は、生きている方達が故人に、お別れをする場で、一般の参列者は告別式の方に弔問することが一般的でした。

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近頃の葬儀にまつわる事情

元々は本来の、お通夜や、告別式の意味どおり、一般の参列者は、告別式から弔問するというのが普通でしたが、午前中から執り行われる葬儀や、告別式よりも、夜から執り行われる、お通夜に弔問した方が退社してから行くことができるため、都合が良いという方が増えたため、一般の参列者でも、お通夜の方に弔問するという方が増えてきています。

しかし、昔のマナーどおりに、一般の参列者は告別にしか弔問に訪れないという地域も存在しています。

近頃、執り行われているお通夜は、午後の6時から午後の7時ぐらいに始まり、お坊さんがお経をあげ、遺族や、親族、弔問客がお焼香をすると、およそ1時間ぐらいかかり、会食がおよそ1時間から2時間ぐらいで完了する、半通夜という形式が増えてきています。

一般の参列者は、元々の意味合いのとおりであれば、葬儀には弔問しないで告別式から弔問に訪れるのがマナーですが、近頃では葬儀の直後に告別式が区切りなく執り行われることが増えてきているため、そのときには一般の参列者が、葬儀から弔問してもマナー違反ではないとされています。

どちらに弔問するべきか

お通夜や、葬儀、告別式のどちらに弔問した方がよいのかという問題については、基本的に、喪主の方から、葬儀や、告別式のスケジュールだけを通知されたときには、葬儀や、告別式だけに弔問に訪れるのがマナーになります。

お通夜や、葬儀、告別式のスケジュールを通知されたときには、できるだけスケジュールを調整して、全てに弔問に訪れることができるようにするというのがマナーになります。

どうしても、片方の方にしか弔問に訪れることができないといったときには、元々の意味合いから考えると葬儀と、告別式の方に弔問に訪れる方が良いということになります。

しかし、どうしても葬儀と、告別式に弔問に訪れることができないといったときには、前もって喪主に伝えておいてから、お通夜の方に弔問に訪れるというのがマナーになります。

ただし、喪主や、遺族の考え方によっては、どちらに弔問してくれても構わないという考え方の方も少なくありませんし、告別式は遺体を火葬場に搬送する儀式もあるので、一般の弔問客はご遠慮願いたいと考えている場合もあります。

告別式に弔問するときに必要な準備

まず、葬儀や、告別式に弔問するときには、着用する喪服を用意したり、仏教徒として弔問するときには数珠の準備をしておく必要があります。告別式での服装で注意するポイントは、派手な色のものを避けることになります。

身に付けるのは、地味な色のものに統一します。そして、光るようなものは身に着けないようにする必要があります。

結婚指輪以外のアクセサリーは外して、バッグや、靴についても光沢がある素材や、目立つ金具が取り付けられているものは避ける必要があります。

そして、告別式から弔問に訪れる場合や、お通夜に弔問に訪れたときに、香典を手渡していないときには、お香典を準備しておく必要があります。

そして、告別式に遅刻しないように、葬儀場に行く交通手段や、ルートを前もって確認しておく必要があります。

本来であれば、葬儀は、告別式と別々に行われるもので、一般の参列者は、告別式から弔問するのがマナーとなっていたのですが、近頃は、葬儀に続いて、すぐに告別式が執り行われるのが一般的となってきていて、そんなときには一般の参列者であっても、葬儀から弔問しても問題ないことになります。

告別式の一般的な流れ

告別式が執り行われる会場には、始まる10分前ぐらいに着くようにしておき、スマートフォンは式が執り行われる前に電源をオフにしておきます。

受付では、お悔やみを簡単に述べ、お香典を手渡して名簿に名前や住所などを書きます。そして、案内された場所に着席します。遺族には声を直接かけることは避け、黙礼するぐらいに留めておきます。

会場に知り合いや、友人などがいた場合で私語を控える必要があります。お焼香は、喪主から始まり、遺族、親族、一般の弔問客の順番で行われます。

出棺までに、遺体と最期の対面が行われるのですが、対面は遺族だけが行います。対面中、一般の弔問客は静かに式場を出て待つ必要があります。

喪主が挨拶をした後、出棺されますが、このときに、コートなどを脱いでおくのがマナーとなります。寝台車が動いたら、合掌します。

通常は出棺した後は、退席をすることになるのですが、遺族に火葬場に一緒に行って欲しいと頼まれたときは、なるべく一緒に行くようにするがマナーとなります。

お清めに塩をかけるときには、玄関に入る前にかけるようにします。

最後に

このように、昔からの慣習に従うと、できるだけ告別式に参列するようにするのがマナーとなっていますが、出棺されるまでの故人との時間を身内で、ゆっくりと過ごしたいと考えている遺族も少なくありませんので、それぞれの遺族の意図を汲み取る必要があります。

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