知っておきたい通夜・葬式の参列マナー:参列できない場合は?

遠方に住んでいたり、出張などで当地に不在にしていたりする場合は、親しい方であっても、葬儀には参列できないことがあります。

葬儀に参列できない場合のマナーとしては、どのような振る舞い方が理に適っているのでしょうか。

スポンサーリンク

通夜の参列が難しい場合には

遺族の事情で密葬で見送らない限り、葬儀の前に通夜が行われるのが一般的です。近い身内等の親族でなければ、どちらか一方のみに参列してもマナー違反にはなりません。

近年では、虚礼廃止や葬儀の簡略化の考えが広まり、親族や親しい友人以外の仕事の関係者や知人の場合は、夕方から夜間に行われる通夜にのみ参列で構わないという風潮があります。

また、ほとんどの地域でも、葬儀に参列できない方のためのお別れの場として、考える方が増えてきたために、可能であれば通夜に参列することをおすすめします。

両方とも参列できない場合は、通夜が行われる前や終わった後に、故人にお線香を上げてお別れをするか、当日は参列できなくても、後から故人のお宅に伺ってお悔やみを申し上げるといいでしょう。

事前に知り合いの方から通知があった場合は、通夜や葬儀に出られなくても、お宅に伺ってお別れをした方が失礼になりません。

葬儀等の日時を知らされた場合は、やむを得ぬ事情で参列できないとだけ伝えます。理由は詳しく述べる必要はありません。仕事や学業で伺えないと言うと、失礼になることがあるからです。

代わりに弔電を送ることも可能

参列できない場合は、弔電を送るといいでしょう。送り先の場所は、お葬式を行うホールや斎場宛にし、宛名は喪主の名前にします。

喪主が誰か分からない場合は、故人の名前の後に御遺族様と記載するのがマナーです。何々家御遺族様と記載してもいいでしょう。

弔電等の電報のサービスは、通信会社や電報業者で対応でき、電話やインターネットから頼めます。料金は、従量制と定額制があります。

従量制は、1文字単位で課金されていくタイプで、文字が多いメッセージには向かないことがあります。定型文章などが多く揃えられているので、仕事関連の知人等の儀礼的な関係の方に送付するのに、向いています。

定額制は、300文字程度までなら1通として送付できるタイプで、親しい方に長いメッセージを送るのに向いているでしょう。

弔電の場合は、突然のことで日程が差し迫っていることもあります。業者によっては、即日発送はできても、翌日までの配送には対応出来ない場合があります。

発送元と送付先が離れている場合には、日数がかかることもありますので、送付する際にはサービスエリアなどを確認して、業者を選定するといいでしょう。

参列する代わりにお供え物を上げる

参列できない場合に、供花やお供物を、故人の祭壇に供えることもマナーに適っています。供物を添えることで、その場にいなくても弔意を示せるからです。

近年では、葬祭場やホール内で執り行われることが多いため、外に飾る花輪は少ない傾向にあります。花であれば、スタンド花やかごにまとめたアレンジメント等が多いです。

お供物は、遺族がもらって困らない物が多く、日持ちがする缶詰やしょう油などの調味料、ティーパックやパウチされたゼリー類等が遣われます。判断に迷う場合は、生花店やギフトショップで相談するといいでしょう。

ただし、葬儀社が保有している葬祭場で行う場合は、社内で扱われている供花や供物のセットでないと、持ち込めない場合がありますので注意してください。

その場合は、ホールに連絡すれば、相応しい花や供物の提案を受けることが出来ます。

また、寺院や教会、神社などの宗教施設を借りる場合には、僧侶や神主、神父から花や供物の種類を指定されることもありますし、一部をお布施としてお渡ししなくてはいけない場合がありますので、確認するようにしてください。

御香典の渡し方のマナー

御香典は、仏教の真宗の宗派でない限りは、不祝儀の表書きを御霊前として構いません。神式でも、キリスト教式でも使えます。

真宗やその系列の宗派の場合は、亡くなるとすぐに仏となるという教義なので、御仏前と記載してください。涙の色で薄まった意味を示すため、薄墨色のインクで書き入れましょう。

参列できない場合は、通夜が行われる前に遺族にお渡ししてもいいですし、知り合いの方が通夜や葬儀に参列する場合に、代理で持って行ってもらうことも可能です。

勤務先の同僚で、同じ部署の親族が亡くなった場合には、代表者が参列し、まとめて持って行くこともあります。

離れた場所で、高齢や体調不良などで参列が難しい場合は、お悔やみ状とともに、御香典を同封して送付しても構いません。相手先に迷惑をかけないように、現金書留の扱いにして送付するといいでしょう。

後から、遺族の元へお悔やみに行く場合は、その時にお香典を持参するのもいいでしょう。できるだけ、亡くなってから日が経たないうちに伺うようにしてください。

日数が経って、仏式で四十九日法要が過ぎている場合には、故人は既に仏様になっているので、表書きは御仏前にします。

最後に

葬儀に参列できない場合は、非常に心苦しい思いをするでしょうが、マナーに則って行動すれば、故人やご遺族に対して失礼に当たることがありません。

突発的な状況で、対応が難しい場合がありますが、無礼の内容に行動できるように心がけましょう。

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